we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
