did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
