Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
