just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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