she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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