Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
