yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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