shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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