I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
