last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
