i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have post one night stand depression
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
