What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
