So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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