you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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