4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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