Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize