i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
honey bunches of taint.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
