if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
