I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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