Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
