she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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