Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
