I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
