wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
