I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
