sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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