After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
