Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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