peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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