Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
