I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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