I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
