Me. At least after what I've been through.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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