Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
