I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
