Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
