im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize