your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
