isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
