so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
