what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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