You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
