Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
