Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
