I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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