i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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