You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
