We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
