3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
