Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
