I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
