where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's shark week go big or go home
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
