theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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