i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
