we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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