yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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