I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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