I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
