i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
