Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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