I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
