you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug