ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
