how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?