Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".