1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE