I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
