I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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