It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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