my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
