Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
