This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
