party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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