I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
