I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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