Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
