You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
