It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
