The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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