i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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