so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
