He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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