Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
